Thursday, January 23, 2014

No Reflection February- Join Me!

1. Make-Up Dependent Fiend
2.Calorie Counting Maniac

These are two things that I have a great fear of becoming. 

Have you ever caught yourself making an excuse for your appearance... "Sorry, I look like a bum", "Oh my gosh, my face is a mess, I didn't have time to put on any make up today", or "Sorry my hair is a mess, I need a hair cut"... Have you ever asked yourself, why?

In 2012 I found myself obsessing over my weight, my clothes, my face, and my hair... I was completely obsessed with my appearance. I believe my obsession came from the a combination of contradicting thoughts that I was having. There were four parts of me at war.
1. The me that liked to look nice, just because.
2. The me that wanted to not care about looking nice.
3. The me that constantly tried to battle the "beauty queen" stereotype of always being "pretty".
4. And the me that had partially given in to perpetuating the stereotype of being a "pretty girl" and always being very well put together.

In September of 2012, I grew tired of the war that was going on inside and decided to do something about it. I decided to prove to myself that I could be pretty and I could feel nice regardless of the clothes I was wearing or the make up on my face. And for the month of October, without telling anyone, I wore absolutely no make up (with the exception of lip gloss). This was a true test because I was actually MC'ing at a pageant that month, and I just knew I was going to feel naked on that stage without my beat face (beat face is slang for hmmm, very well done make up). Turns out, I made it. I survived a month with no make up! By the end of the month, I was okay without wearing make up, so much so that when November rolled around, I continued to wear no make up and it wasn't a big deal at all. However, before I was okay, all throughout the month of October, the war that I sought to end with my no-make up-quest became a lot worse before it got better. There were days that I would look in the mirror and say, "Why are you doing this? It's stupid. You're just going to go right back to wearing a full face of make up everyday and this will have proved no points". Some days I would look in the mirror and straight up say to myself, "Hmmm...nice try, but, you're ugly. Can this month end any sooner?!" And other days, I would find myself trying to overcompensate for my bare face by dressing extra cute or taking extra time on my hair. I finally made it through those days and I saw the writing on the wall- it said, "Hey. You're fake." WHAT??? ME??? NOOOOO. I'm the realest of the real! I talk to young girls all the time about the importance of self love and embracing their own beauty. I can't be fake. Am I fake? No. No way, I'm not fake. Nope. *looks in the mirror and sees own reflection looking back* Okay, I'm fake. After I owned up to my own truth, I started taking steps every day to kind of rehabilitate myself back to the truth of loving myself regardless of my outside appearance, and embracing the fact that I was beautiful with or without make up. I stopped making excuses for my face, my clothes, and my hair, regardless of the condition they were in because I didn't have anything to prove to myself or to anyone else.

So now, in 2014, I am challenging myself once again, and this time I would like to invite y'all to join. This challenge will be No-Relfection February- no looking at my reflection for a month.
Disclaimer: this is not my original idea; I got the idea from a woman who did this a couple of years ago for a year, I will share the link at the end of this post.
In 2013, I gained 30 pounds, for a plethora of reasons. It was in part because of my eating habits, decrease in exercise, increase in drinking, increase in stress, some depression...there was just a lot going on in 2013 that made my life heavy, and I feel that I carried that in many ways, including my weight. (This is not a "fat shaming" piece, this is me sharing my own personal experience.) As I have been making a conscious effort to lose that weight, I have found myself obsessing over my reflection. Every chance I get, I'm looking at my body, obsessing over it and wondering why nothing looks smaller or if things look smaller and I just don't notice it because my mind has been warped. This may sound crazy, but I know for a fact that I am not the only person who has or is experiencing this. So... for the month of February, I am not going to look at my reflection, at all. This is going to be a quite a challenge for me because of course, my first worry is, HOW WILL I KEEP MY EYEBROWS SNATCHED (snatched is slang for hmmm, great form/shape), but I'm sure I will manage. There are two things I want to focus on in this challenge:
1. How my body feels, not how it looks.
2. Re'iterating to myself that my confidence is not dependent on my outward appearance.

Join me! You don't have to do the whole can try a day or a week or a couple of weeks, whatever you want to to do! Just try it. Comment below or on my Facebook, and let me know your commitment to No-Reflection February!

Click here to see where I got this idea :)

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